


The True Nightmare is Living Without You

by bella_my_clarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (ish lol), (or it was before the ep aired #rip me), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, Canon Compliant, F/M, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 14:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bella_my_clarke/pseuds/bella_my_clarke
Summary: “Bellamy,” she breathed, a sigh and a plea and a whisper all at once. He sounded on the verge of tears, and it terrified her. Bellamy never let himself break, not in front of others. “It’s okay, Bellamy. We’re both safe. We made it.”“Not together,” he murmured brokenly, and she shut her eyes against the pain in his voice, in her heart. “I promised you we would have five years away from the horrors of the ground, we were never going to get separated again, we were going to have a future up here, and now—”“It’s not for forever,” Clarke said, even though she knew five years was an incredibly long time. By then they could be dead, or forced to stay in space, or completely different people, and then maybe he wouldn’t.... She swallowed down the thought.--Or: the ending we deserved





	The True Nightmare is Living Without You

**Author's Note:**

> this was honestly my Denial Fic are you all happy i was wrong bc i'm not lol

A thousand thoughts shot through Clarke’s mind as she returned to consciousness – where’s Bellamy did his suit fail too did the nightblood work what happened to the rocket – but she pushed them all aside because suddenly a blaring heat and noise filled her senses and _oh no._ The rocket.

She scrambled to her feet, ignoring a dull throbbing in her skull, only to feel her heart sink straight back to the ground. She could see the ship, all right, and it was fine, but…it was leaving. Lifting off into space. Without her.

(Bellamy’s face rose to her mind, unbidden, warm and soft like his arms around her a few hours ago, and her heart ached all over again. Maybe she could _survive_ on her own, but already she didn’t know how she was supposed to _live_ without _him._ )

The thought of the next five years on her own was so overwhelming, in fact, it was a long time before she remembered about the radio. They’d synced them up for communication while they were spread apart readying the rocket, and she brought hers from the lab so it should’ve been....

There! She scrambled to grab it and quickly inspected for damage; thankfully, it appeared fully intact and functioning. Hands shaking, she clicked the receiver and held it close to her mouth, whispering, “Is someone there?”

No response. She tried a little louder, and then louder still, until she was practically shouting into the phone; begging someone, _anyone_ to confirm her friends were safe and alive. “Bellamy, come in. Raven? Monty? Can anyone hear me? Bellamy, please, tell me if you’re there.”

Then, after what could’ve been a few minutes or a few hours of this, a crackle came over the line and then a voice. “Clarke? That you?”

_Raven._ Clarke nearly broke with relief, but managed to say, “Are you all right? Did you make it?”

“Yes. Everyone but you,” she replied, a thousand emotions coloring the words.

Clarke nodded solemnly, trying to quiet the grief welling up inside her. “Is–is Bellamy there?” she asked now, unable to hide how much she needed to hear his voice right now.

And then there it was. “Clarke.”

It was suddenly, overwhelmingly all too much, and Clarke let out a choked sob. “Bellamy. Oh, thank—”

“Are you all right? Injured? Sick?” he interrupted, the words bursting out like a river surging towards a waterfall—rushed and desperate and dangerously close to the edge.

“I’m okay. I just passed out is all. The nightblood’s working. Are you—”

“I’m so sorry, Clarke, gods above, I never meant to leave you behind, I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop it and—”

“Bellamy,” she breathed, a sigh and a plea and a whisper all at once. He sounded on the verge of tears, and it terrified her. Bellamy never let himself break, not in front of others. “It’s okay, Bellamy. We’re both safe. We made it.”

“Not together,” he murmured brokenly, and she shut her eyes against the pain in his voice, in her heart. “I promised you we would have five years away from the horrors of the ground, we were never going to get separated again, we were going to have a _future_ up here, and now—”

“It’s not for forever,” Clarke said, even though she knew five years was an incredibly long time. By then they could be dead, or forced to stay in space, or completely different people, and then maybe he wouldn’t.... She swallowed down the thought.

“Being without you for just three _months_ felt like forever, and that was before…well.” He paused, either too nervous to go on or confident she knew what he meant.

And she did. That was before ALIE and the end of the world and the list with their names on it; before she tumbled and tumbled and found herself opposing him, gun in hand, and knew that no matter the cost of humanity, she could not lose him. Before he had enveloped her in his arms while she cried and tucked away a loose piece of her braid, gentle as she’d ever seen him, and whispered that all he wanted was to spend the rest of his life beside her. Before she had agreed, heart thudding, and they’d rested their foreheads together as if in recognition of the confession they hadn’t quite uttered. Before Clarke finally felt the assurance deep in her bones that _Bellamy Blake loved her too._

“I know, Bellamy. I know. But can still communicate, hopefully whenever we want, and besides–” She paused, still unsure despite everything, before continuing. “You’re always with me.”

There was barely a moment of hesitation before Bellamy murmured back, “And you with me.”

She decided then they’d be okay.

–

She went nowhere without her radio after that, constantly checking on how things were going. There were soft times, when they had hours to talk and plenty to eat and hope like the blossoming flowers slowly peeking up in the fields; violent times, too, when mutated creatures arose or ALIE fought back and they went days, weeks, without communication. But most of the time, they were just times—just days, spent hunting and foraging and cataloging and always, always talking to the people she cared about most, just as she would if they were all together.

“We will,” she murmured to herself, echoing Bellamy’s words every time she murmured _may we meet again_ or tried to say goodbye just in case. She was out in the field, now disturbingly lush and green compared to the ashy wasteland she’d first lived in, working on a signal to communicate better with both the spaceship and the bunker. Her hair was long now, but thankfully still well-kept now that clean water was returning and she didn’t have to ration it out solely for drinking like she had for the first few years.

It was incredible, how much time had passed. She’d lost track of the days long ago, letting them blur into nothing, but somehow…somehow she knew it was close. The end of her time alone.

She glanced up at the sky, imagining she could already feel the heat of the rocket engines, and then her vision went black.

–

Clarke flew awake with a gasp, heart thudding at a hundred miles an hour, and tried to move but quickly realized she was being held back by something—a belt.

No, not just a belt, a realized. A rocket belt. She looked around, dizzy with confusion, and saw the inside of the ship, gleaming and silver and filled with her friends. Her heart burst with relief, but the part of her that was still clinging to images of lush forests and radio conversations was wondering, _how…?_

“Clarke? Oh, thank the gods, you’re awake.”

She swung her head towards the sound, heart pounding, and suddenly her whole world condensed to just him—the freckles spanning his features, the cut above his lip, the tangled curls falling over his forehead, all half-concealed by the sheen across the front his helmet. Her voice felt nearly choked off with relief. “ _Bellamy._ ”

“Are you feeling alright? Raven was worried about lifting off while you were unconscious,” he breathed. “But it’s okay now. We made it. We’ll land on the Ark any moment now.”

“We’re together,” she agreed, hardly daring to believe it.

Eyes softening, Bellamy reached his hand out to her and she took it, tangling their fingers and holding on tightly. “Yeah,” he murmured, looking at her like despite the whole vastness of space and time around them, she was all he wanted to see. “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> @sherlockvowsontheriverstyx on tumblr
> 
> ~cry with me~


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